Can Bisexuals Really Be Monogamous?

man-listening-ear-5409-bsOne of the myths that bisexuals hear a lot is this belief that since a bisexual person is attracted to both genders, they must be unable to be in relationship with just one person, because then they wouldn’t be getting all their needs met.

This can be a difficult myth to overcome and can get in the way of a bisexual forming a lasting relationship with a monosexual person, who may wonder and worry about this for the duration of the relationship.

It can be a silent poison within their union.

The short answer to this question is, “Yes, bisexuals CAN be monogamous, if they choose.”

Remember my last article, where I differentiated between orientation, identity, and behavior. Just like with one’s sexual orientation, one can choose to act or identify differently than their physiological reactions may indicate. A bisexual person is attracted to both/all genders, but may choose not to act on that attraction, just like a monosexual straight man may choose not to pursue sex with every woman to whom he is attracted.

Variation in Monogamy

Some bisexuals, just like some monosexuals, choose other relationship options than traditional monogamy, of course, but that may be the subject of a future article.

Within the sphere of what’s considered monogamy, however, there is still quite a lot of variation. People can choose to be emotionally monogamous, sexually monogamous, financially monogamous, etcetera. Healthy successful relationships are made up of people who communicate and negotiate and communicate some more. Those interactions include (but are not limited to):

  • defining terms and concepts,
  • exploring possibilities,
  • trying out new things and discussing the outcomes of those things,
  • clearly stating boundaries and limits,
  • learning to listen and not just react,
  • cultivating compassion and respect for one’s partner,
  • as well as a basic assumption of benevolence on the part of one’s partner.

Communication is the Antidote to the Silent Poison

That silent poison I mentioned earlier? That’s actually a symptom of a deeper problem, which ultimately has little or nothing to do with either partner’s sexual or relationship orientation.

The key word in that phrase is “silent.” Silence kills faster than anything else. Leaving assumptions unspoken, fears unaddressed, societal conditioning unchallenged – these are the poisons.

Communication is the antidote. I have a firm belief that just about any relationship can be successful if the people involved are willing to communicate and to continue learning to improve their communication.

Yes, it takes trust and vulnerability. If you cannot extend trust or expose your vulnerabilities to someone you profess to love, then the real issue may be within yourself.

If you’re attracted to a bisexual, but worry about that person’s ability or desire to be monogamous – just ASK them! Open a dialogue. Be honest and transparent about what’s going on for you and see if they might be willing to talk more deeply about the possibilities of being in relationship with you and what that might mean for the both of you.

You never know until you ask! And this first exposure of a vulnerability could set up a precedent for the two of you to build on, to perhaps eventually create a lasting relationship based on trust and transparency

So can bisexuals really be monogamous!! YES!! YES!! YES!!

About Inara de Luna

Inara de Luna is a bisexual, polyamorous, kinky pagan who is also a Relationship Coach and a Sexuality Educator. She is a Gender, Sexuality & Relationship Diversity Specialist, with training and experience as a Marriage & Family Therapist. Inara is a sex positive activist, a published author, and a national presenter. She prefers to support those whose identities fall outside the mainstream norms. For more information, you can find her online at or on FacebookK/a>.