January is the month for setting goals and intentions for the new year. It can also be about learning to set new boundaries. Some people think of boundaries as negative things, ways of keeping people out of something…but really, boundaries are for protecting yourself, they’re there to keep you and yours safe and sacred, even [read more]
Crafting Chosen Family Traditions Can Help Dispel Holiday Blues
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A client once told me a story about how she learned to deal with her holiday-related loneliness and depression. Once upon a time, this client (let’s call her Sara) fell in love with a man…and a woman. She married the man, and kept the girlfriend (with her husband’s consent and approval). At one point, they [read more]
The Importance of Touch & Containment in a Relationship
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PDA: A Heterosexual Privilege I remember when I first came out as bisexual twenty something years ago, I became acutely aware of the heterosexual privilege I’d taken for granted up until then. Suddenly, I didn’t feel comfortable displaying affection for my girlfriend in public. It made me feel somewhat estranged from her, because we had [read more]
7 Cornerstones of Emotional Safety in Gay Relationships
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We experience the presence or lack of emotional safety in physical, emotional and mental ways. Both feeling safe and not feeling safe can be intense, and powerful because they are felt in so many different dimensions at once. When you don’t feel safe with someone, it’s important to assess the severity of the situation, the [read more]
Dealing with Stress: Do You Turn Toward, Away From, or Against Each Other?
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Turning Toward, Away, or Against When stress occurs in your life or relationship, do you and your partner turn toward each other for support, soothing, and assistance? Do you try to protect your partner (or yourself) by keeping things to yourself and turning away from your partner? Or do you turn on each other and [read more]
Are you putting up with “less than” and settling in your gay relationship journey?
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Here’s a question worth some thought. Will you take what you can get or go for what you want in your gay relationship journey? It’s a million dollar question. After all, over the course of a lifetime, few things bring more happiness – or ruin it more – than intimate relationships. There is a lot [read more]
Real Men Are Enablers
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Dysfunction usually involves two parties: the person with the self-destructive behavior and a second person who encourages or makes easier the negative or self-destructive behavior. We call this second person an enabler. Most enablers realize too late that they’ve been sucked into an ever-increasing downward spiral centered on a sick dynamic. And contrary to popular [read more]
Fight Fair Without Fighting At All!
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“And then you said I was worthless in 1974 and that made me feel like you didn’t love me, which you’re now proving once again!” Oy, the joys of a fight gone out of control! We’ve all been there. Experienced those moments where we feel like we’re in perpetual fight, spinning down into the depths [read more]
Is it possible to be LGBT and spiritual?
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Being aware of my gayness and my coming out later in life has added an important dimension to my spirituality. As a Catholic priest I had always been a spiritual person, inspired by nature, by the heroic virtues I saw in others, and by my religious faith. When I left ministry five years ago and [read more]
If Your LGBT Relationship Sucks, Then Quit Working So Hard At It!
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Maybe it’s because I turned 50+ this month and I just don’t have the patience any longer for whiners. Or it could be that I know, once the pain becomes less to get out of a crappy relationship then to stay in one, then the complaining will stop. It’s neither here nor there. When you [read more]
