From 15 years to 1… I’d been with my previous partner for close to 15 years. This article isn’t really about that relationship. I just mention it to illustrate how out of touch I am when it comes to new relationships. I expected my current partner to just “know” that I hate mushrooms, am a [read more]
Resolve to be Less “Nice” & Set Better Boundaries for the New Year
By
January is the month for setting goals and intentions for the new year. It can also be about learning to set new boundaries. Some people think of boundaries as negative things, ways of keeping people out of something…but really, boundaries are for protecting yourself, they’re there to keep you and yours safe and sacred, even [read more]
Crafting Chosen Family Traditions Can Help Dispel Holiday Blues
By
A client once told me a story about how she learned to deal with her holiday-related loneliness and depression. Once upon a time, this client (let’s call her Sara) fell in love with a man…and a woman. She married the man, and kept the girlfriend (with her husband’s consent and approval). At one point, they [read more]
9 Sweet Ways to Show You Love Her
By
Getting stuck in the day to day rut of life can rob you of the joy that a deeply connected, loving relationship can bring you. No matter what is going on in your life, you have something special – love. Each and every day you can choose whether you’re going to strengthen that love or let [read more]
What’s really important…
By
Last weekend I got a scare. Luckily it wasn’t a bad one but it did make me “adjust my perspective” about what is really important in my life. I was home watching our littlest and watering the house plants when my partner called me. We usually text each other and she’d already texted saying she [read more]
The Importance of Touch & Containment in a Relationship
By
PDA: A Heterosexual Privilege I remember when I first came out as bisexual twenty something years ago, I became acutely aware of the heterosexual privilege I’d taken for granted up until then. Suddenly, I didn’t feel comfortable displaying affection for my girlfriend in public. It made me feel somewhat estranged from her, because we had [read more]
Love or Lust? Compatible or Not? Here’s How to Know
By
So much of the relationship misery and heartbreak we see comes from a few dating and relationship mistakes that are completely AVOIDABLE. Yet most of us make them over and over – I know I did! – simply because we haven’t been educated in how to choose a compatible partner. In 1982, I got together [read more]
Marriage Bells are Ringing: One Man’s Story
By
I never thought I’d ever consider marrying – that marriage bells would ring for me. And at my age of 62 I could not imagine another huge life change. But then I had left 37 years of life connected to the church, had tried out a couple of administrative jobs, and finally landed as a life [read more]
7 Cornerstones of Emotional Safety in Gay Relationships
By
We experience the presence or lack of emotional safety in physical, emotional and mental ways. Both feeling safe and not feeling safe can be intense, and powerful because they are felt in so many different dimensions at once. When you don’t feel safe with someone, it’s important to assess the severity of the situation, the [read more]
Dealing with Stress: Do You Turn Toward, Away From, or Against Each Other?
By
Turning Toward, Away, or Against When stress occurs in your life or relationship, do you and your partner turn toward each other for support, soothing, and assistance? Do you try to protect your partner (or yourself) by keeping things to yourself and turning away from your partner? Or do you turn on each other and [read more]
