Don’t Let Self Care Wither when New Relationships Blossom

by Amy McDonald

leaf-health-key-isTechnically, I’m a wellness coach: I specialize in supporting queer women live their best lives. You could say that the relationships I’m interested in really working with, then, are the relationships my clients have with themselves.

Self-care, self love, morning rituals, wellness and spiritual practices are all part of the tool kit I bring to my sessions, where each of these individual tools and techniques I have tried out for myself and really experienced the benefits.

Now, one thing that happens when queer women really start caring for themselves, as a form of service for themselves and everyone else in their lives, is that they begin to really glow. They light up, have more energy, feel more passionate about their lives and—almost always—attract new (or revitalized) love into their lives.

I LOVE THIS PART OF MY JOB!

Seeing my clients glowing in the radiance of new relationship makes my heart sing. It is inordinately satisfying to see their hard work come to fruition in this way.

So, then, why is it that I also HATE this part?

One of the greatest dangers (yes, I said ‘dangers’) of new love, infatuation or the itchy wonder of lust is that we can forget about ourselves.

leaf-health-key-isI’ve seen it in my clients. They have a nourishing morning ritual of exercise, reflection and healthy food choices. But a relationship starts and—WHAM—the self care is out the window.

This prioritization of other over self so quickly off the bat sets a relationship on a foundation of imbalance, which can lead to resentment, relationship breakdown and a drop in wellness and self esteem.

Really?

Yes.

While it’s totally fine (and normal) that new love starts with long mornings in bed, late nights, wonky food and drink choices and experimentation with new things, it is essential that new love starts on a footing on which it can build.

The best relationships are created on this teaching: Love for self MUST equal (at least) love for other.

If you’re entering into new love consider these top three tips to retain your self-care and self love:

  1. DON’T STOP
    Schedule time from the very beginning and do not compromise (yes, even if you don’t want to.
  2. DO ALTER
    Be prepared to alter your routine. Cut back some things, trim others. Ten minutes of journaling, five sun salutations, green smoothie AND a café latte. Alter, just don’t quit.
  3. DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY
    Your new love might not be interested in your morning routine or won’t want to join in. So? She’ll still reap the rewards, and so will you, even if she doesn’t ‘get’ it.

About Amy McDonald

Amy McDonaldAmy McDonald is the Founder of www.TheHappyHealthyLesbian.com. She also writes, coaches, teaches and practices yoga, and plays in her country garden.

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