If Your LGBT Relationship Sucks, Then Quit Working So Hard At It!

man-discouraged-isMaybe it’s because I turned 50+ this month and I just don’t have the patience any longer for whiners. Or it could be that I know, once the pain becomes less to get out of a crappy relationship then to stay in one, then the complaining will stop. It’s neither here nor there.

When you have that come to Jesus moment with yourself that your LGBT Relationship really sucks, that’s usually the moment you also realize you’ve been working way too hard to keep it together.

Gone are the visions of white picket fences, and frolicking naked in the arms of said true love! If it’s become work, its time to re-evaluate. Ok, for some of you I may be preaching to the choir. Of course, if you’re reading this article, there’s no preaching, only research going on for some purpose. Right?

We humans are a funny breed – most of us. We will stand in the dog poop of our lives, scraping and scraping and scraping. Trying to get the reality of the dirty situation out of our lives. Yet, we may be numbly justifying why things are the way they are by simply accepting, “Well, it’s more me than her!” Really? Unless that is absolutely, positively true, you wouldn’t have said it. For example!

Is your LGBT relationship grueling?

A client/friend of mine shared that his relationship is a great roommate relationship. They enjoy each others company, all 1.5 hours in the evening and .5 hours in the mornings, and the 48 grueling hours of the weekends together. Yes, he said grueling! That was my first insight that his gay relationship was not all it appeared to be on the surface.

When I asked him, “What would you rather have in your relationship?” I was met with complete silence. As the clock ticked for what seemed an eternity, which was actually only about a minute, he said, “Excitement, fun, happiness, and gratitude.” None of that surprised me except for gratitude. That of course led me to ask, “What do you mean by gratitude?” In a nanosecond he responded, “Feeling grateful that I’m not single!” Whoa! Gurlfriend just unloaded a heap of I’m miserable in my relationship and if you tell anyone I’m going to have to kill you!

Tragic as this may sound, it’s more common than might be thought. Relationships run a muck, gay or straight. Yet, out of fear of rejection, loneliness, and a belief of never finding love again, we numbly stay stuck like an annoying piece of gum on the bottom of our shoe. Climbing into the cell of, This is life deal with it, we resign our self to this is as good as it gets, never once giving ourselves credit that we can come alive in a new relationship. And why? Several reasons.

For starters, if we fail at our LGBT relationship then that gives all those bitchy naysayers fuel to say, “See LGBT relationships never last because they’re not normal!” Of course, this coming from someone who’s been married 3x’s over or living in their own miserable heterosexual relationship that ended when the first child was born.

Then there are the grippers; you know those who hold on to every last splintering chance that the relationship will last. Their grip is so tight that they don’t even see it’s suffocating the relationship. You can’t choke a relationship into existence. It doesn’t work!

Work doesn’t mean toil. No matter what Mom and Dad may have told you about living a good life, it doesn’t mean you have to work yourself to death in work or in relationships. It might have worked for them, but honestly, they were just kidding themselves. The moment any relationship becomes work, and you’re the only one working at it, it’s time to punch out and take a rest. One-sided toiling leads to one-sided bitterness and unhappiness. The person who’s not working that relationship isn’t unhappy. They’re sitting back eating Godiva Chocolates and sipping wine while you bust your tush to be everything they’ve told you they need you to be to stay in the relationship. Now what’s out of balance? You, them, or the relationship? If you answered all three then you’re ready to say, my LGBT relationship sucks and I ain’t sucking that nipple no longer!

Of course there’s another type of LGBT relationship gone amuck and that’s the runners! Those who at the first sign of trouble run. Sometimes justifiable, other times, not so much! Run if it makes sense, but not until you’ve given it a fair shot. Of course fair shot is relative and personal. One way to know you’ve given it a fair shot is to look at your heart and ask it if it is breaking. If the answer is, yes, then you’ve more than likely done your best, especially if you’re heart is authentically breaking, not breaking like Kim Kardashian crying over not being able to lose weight after the birth of Baby North!

Anytime relationships come to an end it’s a transition. However, relationship that come to an end because all signs point to a transition that is meant to be is simply what is meant to be, so don’t fight it.

About Rick Clemons

Rick Clemons is a life changer, motivator, guide, mentor, and inspiring life coach, and author of the soon to be released, “Frankly My Dear I’m Gay.” He’s on a mission; guiding gay men to find their own voice, love deeply, work passionately, and live powerfully without regrets.