by Megan Luscombe
Is anybody else a die hard romantic when it comes down to it? I know I am.
I’ve read pretty much all of the famous love stories and as for the latest romcom, I’ve watched them all at least twice. Most of my friends would heckle me by saying I’m “cheesy”, but I honestly don’t mind because I understand what it is to experience “real love” and I also know what it takes to make it go the distance.
Being a Relationship Coach means I have the pleasure and privilege of assisting clients with their biggest fears, obstacles and also biggest dreams/wants and ultimate goals, one of those is regularly the question of how to master relationships and love.
It is through my career that I have come to appreciate how love is completely personal as an experience and as a topic. No two people describe or experience love the same.
However, I can say wholeheartedly that there is one area and topic of confusion I encounter on most occasions when my clients are questioning love, and it isn’t love at all, it’s lust.
Often mistaken for love, lust is an emotion or feeling of intense desire in the body.
- Ever looked at someone and thought you wanted to rip their clothes off and take them to bed? That’s lust.
- Ever heard the phrase “it was love at first sight” (or been guilty of saying it yourself?) Lust again.
- Ever spent 24/7 texting or emailing each other because you just miss each other SO DAMN MUCH? You got it, lust!
Lust is a psychological force of nature that produces an intense wanting for an object, or circumstance fulfilling the emotion. Lust is a physical attraction and (not wanting to burst any bubbles here) has no lasting effect. It will come in ebbs and flows.
Most people mistake lust for being “in love” without realizing it at all. Don’t feel guilty if you’ve done it or currently are doing it, it’s completely normal and natural.
Here are some things that might assist in helping you identify if you’re currently in lust:
YOU’RE FOCUSED MORE ON HOW THEY LOOK THAN WHO THEY ARE AS A PERSON.
Sounds like: Oh my goodness, how gorgeous are they?
I could just stare at them for days. Hours. Months. Years. They’re a creation of perfection from head to toe and have NO flaws! I am SO lucky for being able to just chill out with them, hang off their arm in public and then take them home to bed!
YOU RATHER LIKE THE ILLUSION.
What you might be hearing from friends or family: Since when did you become a party animal, you’ve never been like that before?
What happened to you, you’re changing, what have they done to you?
Since when do you smoke/drink/do drugs? Is that what they do?
CAN WE SHAG?
Your thoughts might be a bit like this: They’re just so great to chat to and I love that we have things in common but oh my god they look great in that outfit, seriously, just looking at them is driving me bonkers. Would it be rude to just stop them mid conversation now to have sex?
YOU ARE NEEDY. NEEDY. NEEDY. NEEDY.
Sounds like: Why aren’t they texting me back?
What are they doing?
Are they texting someone else?
WHY IS MY WORLD ENDING?
ARE THEY HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE?
… you get the point
The feeling of lust is so conditional.
Lust is saturated in fulfillment without concern of anything else. Lust blurs every single boundary so you end up satisfying yourself.
Don’t be disheartened if you can relate to all of the above right now because guess what? Lust is the kick-start drug that allows you to build REAL LOVE and let’s be honest; lust is one fun family member to enjoy!
Guest Author: Megan Luscombe
Megan Luscombe is a Melbourne based professional Relationship and Wellness Coach at Starting Today Coaching. Offering regular workshops/seminars such as ‘Rekindle your relationship and get back on track’, ‘Relationship anxiety – does doubt really mean don’t?’ and ‘The Confident Parents’, Megan assists her clients across the country in making positive transformations in their personal life and relationships.
